Yesterday I (Kim) had the opportunity to speak about overcoming challenges during the adult session of stake conference. Let me say, I AM NOT a big fan of public speaking and I was (as always) very nervous leading up to my talk. However to my surprise the day of conference I wasn't too nervous. Heavenly Father really blessed me with peace that day. Don't get me wrong, I still bounced my foot around like crazy while giving the talk but my whole body wasn't shaking, which is what normally happens. (I bet I am very entertaining to watch from behind, lol.)
In my talk I shared how hard our struggle with our infertility has been and also how hard it was to wait to be picked by a birth mom. One thing that really helped us through, especially for myself was to talk to others who had been through similar trails. It was really sad and also comforting at the same time to know that we were not alone in this trail.
While on this subject I want to share a few thoughts. I will get back to my talk in a minute.
For myself, the part that was hardest for me (and still is) is the fact that we can't, as husband and wife build our family ourselves. And I am not talking about having our own biological children. I am talking about we aren't able to say, ok we are ready to add another child to our family and then in nine months a baby is here. Instead, we have to wait and rely on others to make that happen for us. It is a very humbling experience! One that in the end, we are very thankful that we went through because we have the most AMAZING daughter!
Sure, there are still times when I see a pregnant lady and I wish I could have that experience. That I could know what it feels like to have a little life growing inside of me. It is not the lack of shared DNA with my child that I miss out on, it is being there from the start. But I have to say, it is an indescribable feeling to know that someone chose
you to raise the child that they carried for nine months, that is a part of them and that they love more then anything in this word!
Ok, back to my talk now. It is often said that when you give a talk it is more for your benefit then for those you are talking to. I definitely know what I was supposed to learn from this subject. Here is the part of my talk where I go over what I learned:
Something else that Elder Johnson said that really struck a cord in me was when he talked about a nine year old boy who had a rare bone cancer so he had to endure a major surgery and months of chemotherapy to treat it. When the boy asked his doctor if he would be the same after it was all over the doctor responded, “No, you won’t be the same. You will be so much stronger. You will be awesome!”
The reason this stood out for me is because throughout the past 7 years of dealing with infertility I feel like something inside of me had died. I could not really ever articulate what exactly I meant by that but I just knew that I wasn’t the same. Hearing that story it made things clear to me. Something didn’t die, I just changed. It wasn’t a bad change, I just became a little different from who I used to be. Now, I guess I can say I became stronger…maybe even a little awesome.
What I do know is that I can look back at everything that I have gone through, big and small, and be at peace with challenges I have faced because I know I am who I am today because of what I have been through in my life. And well, I kinda like who I turned out to be.
I also want to share something I heard while watching the coverage of the 10 year anniversary of the attacks on 9/11.
There was a pear tree that survived those attacks and it became a symbol of hope, it is called the survivor tree. When they lifted the tree out of all the rubble they had no idea if it would survive or not. But they replanted it and cared for it and then had to wait until the following season to see if it would continue to grow. Sure enough it did! Today it is one of the many trees planted along the memorial site at ground zero. When they interviewed one of the man who had cared for the tree he said something that will always stay with me. He said something like, If you look at the tree from one side, you cannot tell that it has been through something traumatic. It is full, beautiful and thriving. But if you look at the other side, you can see all the scars and marks from that fateful day 10 years ago. That tree represents all those affected by 9/11. On the outside we are thriving, growing and moving on but on the inside we will always carry the marks from what we have experienced.
I loved how true his statement was and how it could be applied to any challenges we have been through. I am sure that I carry around marks from the different challenges in my life but I am still growing and thriving. It is a very positive thing if you can learn to appreciate your challenges. I know that without "the mark" of infertility I wouldn't have my beautiful daughter.
More from my talk on this subject:
Have you ever noticed that after going through an especially difficult trail that a blessing normally follows?
Elder Johnson continues, “A pattern in the scriptures and in life shows that many times the darkest, most dangerous tests immediately precede remarkable events and tremendous growth. “After much tribulation come the blessings.” The Children of Israel were trapped against the Red Sea before it was parted. Nephi faced danger, anger from his brothers, and multiple failures before he was able to procure the brass plates. Joseph Smith was overcome by an evil power so strong that it seemed he was doomed to utter destruction. When he was almost ready to sink into despair, he exerted himself to call upon God, and at that very moment he was visited by the Father and the Son. Often investigators face opposition and tribulation as they near baptism. Mothers know that the challenges of labor precede the miracle of birth. Time after time we see marvelous blessings on the heels of great trials.”
“However, in the midst of problems, it is nearly impossible to see that the coming blessings far outweigh the pain, humiliation, or heartbreak we may be experiencing at the time.”
He also said, “I doubt many of us would label our afflictions light. Yet in comparison to the blessings and growth we ultimately receive, both in this life and in eternity, our afflictions truly are light.” Close quote.
Ken and I waited about a year and a half before we were picked by a birth mom to adopt her child and then another 6 months before Katie was actually born. Being patient and having to wait to become parents was extremely hard and painful but having Katie far out weighs anything that we ever went through. Certainly we can all agree that she is the great blessing that was worth going through all that pain for.
I know that Ken would agree with me when I say that we would happily go through that pain again to be able to add to our eternal family. In fact, we are doing just that. Any day now we will be approved to adopt again through LDS Family Services and so the waiting to be picked will start all over again. Certainly we know that this will be another trail for us to endure. It probably will be a little similar to our previous one but with different aspects and challenges we are sure. We know that there are more lessons for us to learn and to grow from. We just hope the outcome of this challenge will be just as cute, smart and funny as the first one, but with just a little less spunk!
Again quoting from Elder Johnson’s talk, “Sometimes we want to have growth without challenges and to develop strength without any struggle. But growth cannot come by taking the easy way.”
“Not one of the trails and tribulations we face is beyond our limits, because we have access to help from the Lord. We can do all things through Christ, who strengthens us.” Close quote.
One of my favorite scriptures is Doctrine and Covenants section 121 verse 7 it reads, “My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment.” I have this scripture posted on my fridge because it gives me such peace to know that there is an end to our suffering.
I already talked about what I learned from giving this talk but I want to talk about now is how this talk touched others. This was the first time that I truly felt I delivered the message that Heavenly Father wanted me to give. I was very hesitate to share another challenge that I have been through in my life. It is something that I don't have a problem sharing but I had never done so in such a public setting and I was very nervous about it. But even with my hesitation I knew that I should share it. So I did and after the session was over I found out why. I had several people come up to me and share that they too had endured what I had endured. One older woman told me, that she too had my same trail but she had only been able to share it with her husband. And while listening to my talk she came to understand why she still did some of the things she did. I also had others who shared their infertility and adoption journeys with me. It was an extremely humbling experience! I always want to do a good job speaking especially for those who asked me to speak. I am always worried that I won't cover what they wanted covered or that I won't get across the message they wanted to here so I was truly touched when a member of the stake presidency told me that he really enjoyed my talk, that it was exactly what they wanted, in fact, it had exceeded their expectations. It was a huge testimony to me that if you sincerely pray about what to talk about and to be open to the Holy Ghost for guidance you will be able to say what Heavenly Father wants you to say.
I hope that doesn't sound conceded because I don't want it to come across that way. I am just very moved and humbled by what I experienced last night. I have never had an experience like that before and it left me speechless! (which is a hard feat, lol.) The whole adult session was amazing! All of the speakers words reached right into my soul. I loved being able to sit next to the Temple President. Just the week before, I had been at the temple particapation in some family sealings that the President preformed so it was great to see him again. It brought back those beautiful feelings that I had experienced that day at the temple. I also sat next to the Stake Relief Society President who is a wonderful woman. There is just something so special about her!
Today was also a beautiful session. My favorite speakers were Sister Evans and Brother Watson. Sister Evans is (I believe) around 16 or 17 and she amazed me with her ability to stand up there in front of the whole stake and just talk. She didn't read from a paper (like I have to do) she just looked straight out into the crowd and told us about her conversion to the church. She is one incredible young lady. Towards the end Brother Watson spoke and he also shared his conversion story. He did a great job as well. He soon will be heading to Africa to serve a two year service mission for our church and I know he will do great work while there. His spirit and love for the church is contagious. The youth of our church continue to amaze me! They are so strong in their testimonies and their ability to share it with others. The future of this great and true church is safe in their hands!
In closing this blog post I want to share with you that I know that my Heavenly Father loves me and that he loves everyone of his children. And I know that Jesus Christ is my brother and the Savior of this earth.
The choir along with our young men and young women sang this song. It was very touching.
