Name withheld
I learned a surprising
lesson when my sister placed her baby for adoption.
When
my younger sister, Lauren,* told me she was pregnant, I couldn’t have
been more upset for her. She had just come from telling the baby’s father, who
had abdicated any responsibility, and she was devastated. All I could do was
hold her while she cried.
Lauren’s
Decision
After
talking to our mother, Lauren decided to see a counselor at LDS Family Services
and begin procedures to place her baby for adoption. I was appalled. How could
she think about giving up her baby? He had a family! Her decision split our
family down the middle. My parents and one sister supported the adoption, and
my other two sisters were as opposed as I was. I was so angry that most days I
stayed away from our apartment. How could she possibly feel good about
abandoning her baby to strangers?
My
mother and sister Jennifer arrived to be with Lauren the day before her due
date. There was no one else to take them to the hospital the next morning, so
despite my resolve not to participate, I found myself walking down the long,
sterile corridors of the maternity ward.
The
doctor looked somber as he came out of the operating room. He said, “Lauren
will be back to her room in about half an hour, but the baby was sent to the
intensive care unit. He is having difficulty breathing.”
My
mother and I headed to the intensive care unit while Jennifer waited for Lauren
to come out of recovery. A nurse motioned us to an incubator where I looked
into the face of my new nephew. He looked just like Lauren. I had been praying
that she would change her mind and keep him, but now I just prayed he would
live.
As
my mother and I stood vigil the third morning, the nurse said, “You know it’s
not too late to back out of the adoption.” I saw a steady stream of tears
falling down my mother’s cheeks. For the first time I realized I wasn’t the
only one hurting. “I don’t know how we’ll be able to do this,” she said.
One Day
with Ryan
Ryan—that
was what Lauren had decided to call him. We would get only one day with him
before his adoptive parents took custody.
It
was almost noon by the time we got everything situated at the hospital the day
Lauren and Ryan were released, and we only had him until six o’clock that
evening. We had decided to pack a picnic lunch and take him to the park. It was
a lovely day, and we enjoyed watching him eat and stretch and sleep. He was so
contented and sweet. I kept thinking there was no way I could go through with
this. I had never known love like I felt for that tiny baby. He wasn’t even
mine, but how could I let him go?
When
we arrived at LDS Family Services, I lifted Ryan out of his car seat and eased
him into Lauren’s lap, and she cuddled him. We sat there drinking in these last
precious moments that would have to last a lifetime.
Lauren
handed him to me so she could get out of the car. I had the impulse to run, but
before I could, the door to the office opened and a social worker came to greet
us. Then something amazing happened. I stepped out of my dark world, over the
building threshold, and into the warmth of what I imagine heaven will be like.
That’s the only way I can explain it. The room was enveloped in the sweetest,
warmest spirit I have ever felt. The adoptive parents had an aura about them
that melted my heart. I knew they were meant to be Ryan’s parents.
My
sister made the right choice. She would have struggled just to put food on the
table if she had kept Ryan. She loved him but could not have given him the
choicest gift—that of a temple sealing to his parents. I’m thankful my sister’s
vision saw beyond her loss, that her ears heeded a prophet’s counsel, and that
the healing power of the Atonement can comfort us in our deepest sorrows.
For
additional information about adoption services, contact LDS Family Services at
800-537-2229, or visit www.ldsfamilyservices.org.
A
Greater Opportunity
“When
marriage is not possible, experience has shown that adoption, difficult though
this may be for the young mother, may afford a greater opportunity for the
child to live a life of happiness. Wise and experienced professional counselors
and prayerful bishops can assist in these circumstances.”
President
Gordon B. Hinckley (1910–2008), “Save the Children,” Ensign, Nov.
1994, 53.
All names have been changed.
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